I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
