He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
