I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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