remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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