K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize