But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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