I just threw up on my dentist
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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