i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize