I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
