When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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