he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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