Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
