shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
