after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
