And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
