And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
