The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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