a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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