I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
