people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
