Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
