I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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