hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
