At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
