I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
