Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
