Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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