I'm drive I can fine osifer
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
