There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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