How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
