i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
