I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the day after is always just damage control
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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