there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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