just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
