Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
