just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
