Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
