Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize