wanna go halves on a baby?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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