Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
