Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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