He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
