apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
