Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Life is so much better after having sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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