There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
