I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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