Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
