He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
