i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
