did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
