I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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