All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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