dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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