so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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